Not long ago I read a review of A Super Upsetting Cookbook about Sandwiches by Tyler Kord, which prompted me to go look it up on Amazon. The reviews I read there made me buy it. I bought it more as an interesting read than as a cookbook, but as I read it, I started wanting to try some of the recipes, and tonight I tried my first one (well, technically two), and it was really good! His veggie burger recipe is quite simple, so I figured I’d start with that, but in order to make it, you have to make roasted broccoli, which is something I do quite regularly, but I decided I’d make it Tyler’s way.
When I make roasted broccoli, I cut up a stalk of broccoli into chunks, peeling the tougher parts of the stalk, and making sure the florets are bite-sized. I spray a cookie sheet with oil, put the broccoli on it, spray the broccoli, then sprinkle it with whatever strikes my fancy, either salt and pepper (if I’m feeling basic), or garlic powder, or an interesting spice mixture from Penzey’s. Then I put it in a 400F oven for 10 minutes, open the oven, stir it around a bit, and put it back in for 5-10 minutes longer, depending on how it looked when I stirred it. Tyler is a bit more precise (but then again, he’s obsessed with broccoli). This recipe is minus animal products, minus lactose, minus gluten, and minus high smartpoints (as written it’s 8 smartpoints for the entire thing).
Super Upsetting Roasted Broccoli
2 heads of broccoli (I actually don’t like this–how big is a head? I used 2 crowns, and assumed I was making 1/2 recipe, because at the store, a “head” or “stalk” of broccoli is a lot more broccoli–and has a lot more stalk–than a crown)
2 Tbsp olive or vegetable oil (I used 1 Tbsp olive oil, since I didn’t have a ton of broccoli)
1 tsp kosher salt (I used 1/2 tsp, but I will use less in the future; my one problem with this recipe is that it’s too salty)
See, it’s not a lot of broccoli when you cut it up.
Preheat your oven to 400F. Peel the tough skin of the stalk with a vegetable peeler, and discard, then slice the stalk into 1/4 inch disks, starting at the bottom, and stopping when there are about 2″ of broccoli left, then split the florets, and cut any that are more than 2″ wide at their widest point. Toss the broccoli with the oil and salt in a bowl, then put on a cookie sheet and put in the oven for 15-20 minutes. You want caramelized edges and firm doneness. It took my broccoli 15 minutes, and it came out looking like this:
Which, honestly, is pretty much the way my broccoli comes out when I roast it my way. This was saltier, and maybe a little tastier due to all the oil. A tablespoon of oil has 4 smartpoints, so you can figure out how many points you’re eating depending on how much of the broccoli you have.
But now we can make the star of the show. This recipe is minus animal products, minus lactose, minus high smartpoints, and minus troublesome fiber (because it’s cooked and ground and cooked again). But this is seriously glutenful–you gluten avoiders beware!
Super Upsetting Veggie Burgers
2 Tbsp cornstarch
2 Tbsp water (not pictured)
1 1/2 cups of 1/2-inch chunks of seitan ( I used seitan strips and cut them, I ended up using a full 8 oz. package)
1 cup chopped roasted broccoli (I chopped it to about the same size as the seitan, and ended up using about half of the broccoli I made) (the broccoli isn’t in the picture, because I took it while the broccoli was roasting)
6 Tbsp bread crumbs (he says dried bread crumbs, is there a wet kind I’m not aware of?)
1 tsp kosher salt (once again, this ended up too salty, I think I will cut the salt in half next time)
In a small bowl, mix the cornstarch and water until the cornstarch is dissolved. Put everything (including the cornstarch slurry) in a food processor, and process until it’s all a uniform glop (he says “a strange green oatmeal”). My advice would be to put the cornstarch slurry in last. I put it in first, and some of it stuck to the bottom of the food processor, so I had to pry it up and mix it in by hand. I think poured over the top of the other ingredients before processing would probably ensure it incorporates more easily. Transfer the glop to a bowl, cover it, and refrigerate it 1/2 hour to 4 days. I went with slightly more than 1/2 hour (enough time to change my clothes and walk the dog). When you’re ready for burgers, take the glop out of the fridge and divide it into sixths. Roll each portion into a ball in your hands, then flatten into a patty. Spray a large frying pan (I used non-stick, he doesn’t specify, but he also doesn’t spray, he says to use enough vegetable oil to slick the pan), and heat it over medium heat. When it’s hot, put in the patties, with space between them. Cook them until the edges start to brown just a little (he says caramelize and suggests 3 minutes, I saw a hint of browning in about 7 minutes, but when I looked at the bottoms, they were nicely browned), then gently flip and cook 2 more minutes. Each burger is only 3 smartpoints (if you were to use more oil for roasting, your points might go up a bit), and hubby declared them very tasty, but too salty, and I concurred. We just ate them on potato rolls with ketchup and stuff–you don’t even need to really dress these up with all sorts of accessories to have a good meal.